Conversation with a teen

As some of you are aware, I’m in the process of writing a personal development book for an audience of both parents and teens.  While some would call it wishful thinking, my goal is for parents to sit down with their son or daughter and begin to build a foundation for positive change by simply having a conversation about various leadership principles.  In fact, I’ve written the entire book as a conversation between a father and his teenage daughter.  It’s common for teens to see adults, especially their parents, as lecturers.  Therefore, I’ve tried to create an environment for openness and trust between parent and child.

Below is an excerpt from the book.  Once you have finished reading it, I would be grateful if you would leave a comment in the space below.  What are you overall thoughts about the content and style of the story?

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Dad:  I want you to know that you are a leader despite what others may tell you.

Daughter:  How can I be a leader when I’ve never actually been in a leadership position?  

You don’t have to maintain an actual position in order to be a leader. That’s a myth. When you learn to embrace the leader within yourself, you build the foundation for everything else that will follow in your life.

Even though no one has labeled you as a follower, it’s quite natural to shy away from the role of leader.   Many people view leadership as a position of authority, which requires a certain level of power.  You might identify your mom and I as leaders because we’re in charge of the family and assume a certain amount of authority in those roles.  You might also view your teachers as leaders because they’re in charge of your classes and are responsible for teaching roomfuls of students.  Do you notice a common theme here?  These are each examples of authority.

So, if I don’t have to be in charge of other people to lead, what makes me a leader?

It’s not the fact that you may or may not be in charge of others that matters most.  What matters is the undisputable fact that you will always be in charge of yourself.  That alone makes you a leader.  Leading yourself first is much more important than trying to lead others.  This idea will serve as a foundation for everything else.  You could go through your life like many people and be affected by outside-in change when others try to control you through manipulation or persuasion. Your mom and I don’t want that for you. We want you to have the tools to change yourself, which is called inside-out change.

Wait a minute.  How can you say I’m in charge of myself when you and mom and are always asking me to do things I don’t want to do?  Doesn’t that mean that you’re in charge of me?   

That’s a great question.  Mom and I care deeply about your success in life so our primary responsibility is to empower you, or give you tools that will help you along the way.  It may seem like we’re in charge of you when we ask you to clean up your room or finish your homework, but the fact remains that you still have the power to choose your response in any of these situations.  That means that while we may be in charge of the circumstances, we will never claim to be in charge of you.  We’ll talk about that later. For now, let’s focus on helping you to embrace your inner leader.

Okay, I guess I am in charge of myself, but that’s not really leadership, is it?

Think about the last time you dropped a coin in a water fountain, or threw a rock in the river.  What happened when it landed?  The impact of the object created a ripple that extended far beyond where you threw the coin or rock.  Well, you and I are no different than the coin or rock.  Every time we say or do something, we create an invisible ripple around us.  Our ripples are strongest when we focus on our actions, not necessarily our words.  That means that wherever you go, your ripple follows, so the fact that you influence others makes you a leader.  Whether we are 8 years old or 80 years old, we all lead.