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Empowering Parents

October 6, 2013Mike SisselBlog2

untitledIn my last blog, I shared a bullyproofing strategy called ‘No Vacancy’, which has proven to be very effective for a large number of the students that I’ve worked with.  Click here to read it.  Whether it’s a true bully situation or not, ‘No Vacancy’ reminds us that we have the power to choose who (or what) will rent space in our mind.

Today I’d like to provide parents with some helpful information as they embark on this bullyproofing process for their child.  It’s important to remember that NO child is immune from bullying, so preparing yourself as parents to coach your child through this process is absolutely critical.

So, what do you do if your child comes home from school and complains that another student is verbally bullying them?

While there are obviously countless approaches for addressing this scenario with your child, I’d like to share what I feel are two ineffective solutions and two effective solutions.  Keep in mind that the ultimate goal of my program is to empower the child, so these solutions are designed with that notion in mind.

INEFFECTIVE

1. Tell your child to “ignore” the bully.  This is one of the biggest mistakes I made as a classroom teacher when students would approach me with a bullying issue.  By telling a child to ignore hurtful words, it’s as if you are saying to them, “Just STOP thinking about it.”  The law of resistance tells us that the more we try NOT to do something, the more we are going to do it.  Kids need to have an opportunity to process the thoughts and feelings they are experiencing.  If we teach them to repress their thoughts and feelings, they will ultimately be expressed in ways that are often unwelcome (i.e. emotional outbursts).

2. Spend an inordinate amount of time criticizing the other child for his/her choices.  As a parent myself, I know full well that our natural reaction in situations like this is to first and foremost protect our child.  You might even find yourself saying things like, “How dare they treat my child like this,” or “I’m going to talk to this person and give them a piece of my mind.”  However, the more you direct your anger toward the bully, the less you are empowering your child to be bullyproof.  Essentially, the message to your child is that you will take care of their problems, instead of empowering them to be the problem solver themselves.

EFFECTIVE

1. Reaffirm to your child that words don’t have to hurt.  You’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Sadly, this is untrue as words can often be very painful.  I like to rephrase this statement by saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words DON’T HAVE TO hurt me.”  The bully is interested in one thing and one thing only; a reaction.  So, when a child responds by teasing back or becoming very angry, the bullying will likely continue.  Therefore, we must empower our children by teaching them how to process words in an empowering way.  The ‘No Vacancy’ strategy is one way to accomplish this.  Also, there is a wonderful children’s book that illustrates the power of inside-out change called Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon.  Even though it’s written for a younger audience, the message is applicable to all ages.

2. Encourage your child to lean on positive, kind people who will build them up.  Whether it’s a parent, close friend, or mentor, kids need others to take part in the bullyproofing process.  It’s so easy for a bullying victim to spend his/her time immersed in self-sabotage, thinking about what a bully has said or done.  If this is the case, they naturally begin to isolate themselves and consequently suppress feelings that need to be expressed.  Simply having a connection that will listen to you and support you unconditionally is extremely powerful.

P.S.  I’d be grateful if you would share this blog with any families who have (or are) experiencing bullying issues with their child. 

Comments

Chelsee Reply
October 6, 2013

This is great. I have been working with my 8 year old son with aspergers to be bully proof. He is teased a lot because he is different. One thing i can’t figure out, what to do when his 9 year old step brother is one of his biggest “bullies”?

Mike Sissel Reply
October 6, 2013

Hi Chelsee. Thank you for your comment. I acknowledge you for the work you are doing with your son. Have you read my blog post titled “Special Gifts”? (http://dev.kaleidoeye.com/special-gifts/)

This might be a great way to begin the conversation with your 9 year old. Perhaps it will help him to celebrate his brother’s “gifts”, rather than criticizing his “needs”.

All my best,
Mike

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“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”

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“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”
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“Mike Sissel is an amazing man. With a positive force driving his ultimate vision to help the world be a better place, he reminds young and old what it means to be and do good by finding it in within. His practical steps are accessible to children and admired by adults. Whether he facilitates a retreat, in-service, assembly, or consults, positive and tangible results will be the outcome. I highly recommend him!”
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“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”

 

Margo Ingram

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2017-09-14T15:04:38-07:00

Margo Ingram

“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”  
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/margo-ingram/
“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”

Judy Salinas

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2017-09-14T14:39:25-07:00

Judy Salinas

“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/3596/
“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”

 

Sally Moore

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2017-09-14T15:01:56-07:00

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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”  
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"At Nike, I like to say ‘You Own Your Career’, Mike presented to my team and provided them with strategies & tools that inspired them to take ownership of their actions, performance, and careers. It was Motivational Coaching that impacted all attendees – regardless of their roles. All team members learned what behaviors make good leaders, and that all of us can be a leader. Mike was an energetic, passionate and effective presenter. I look forward to seeing my team practicing and implementing these skills into their Personal & Professional Developmental Plans.”

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2018-05-23T09:41:45-07:00

Jeff DuMont

"At Nike, I like to say ‘You Own Your Career’, Mike presented to my team and provided them with strategies & tools that inspired them to take ownership of their actions, performance, and careers. It was Motivational Coaching that impacted all attendees – regardless of their roles. All team members learned what behaviors make good leaders, and that all of us can be a leader. Mike was an energetic, passionate and effective presenter. I look forward to seeing my team practicing and implementing these skills into their Personal & Professional Developmental Plans.”
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Christie Winkelmann

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2018-05-23T09:49:19-07:00

Christie Winkelmann

“Our school mission has always been to educate the 'whole child', including their social and emotional development. Mike’s contribution to this mission, through the delivery of his meaningful, engaging lessons, has made a lasting impact on our school culture. In addition to the rich content he shares with our students, the energy he brings to each classroom is contagious. He has been an inspiration to our staff and students and truly lives the leadership principles he teaches.”
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/christie-winkelmann/
“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”

 

Fred Sanchez

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2017-09-14T15:02:28-07:00

Fred Sanchez

“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”  
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/fred-sanchez/
“Wow! What an amazing person! We are so fortunate to have Mike Sissel in our lives. Having two daughters that compete, I cannot thank him enough for all of valuable lessons learned. He empowers my girls with tools and strategies to become not only better athletes but better people. He helps them to build strong character traits that will benefit them long after their time in completion has come to an end. He's had a positive influence on the mindset of our entire family and for that we are truly blessed.”

Kim Roberts-Johson

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2017-09-14T15:05:04-07:00

Kim Roberts-Johson

“Wow! What an amazing person! We are so fortunate to have Mike Sissel in our lives. Having two daughters that compete, I cannot thank him enough for all of valuable lessons learned. He empowers my girls with tools and strategies to become not only better athletes but better people. He helps them to build strong character traits that will benefit them long after their time in completion has come to an end. He's had a positive influence on the mindset of our entire family and for that we are truly blessed.”
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/kim-roberts-johson/
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