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Empowering questions

October 28, 2014Mike SisselBlog

untitledParents, can you relate to the following conversation?

“So, how was school today?”

“Fine.”

“What did you learn?”

“Nothing.”

“How did your test go?”

“Okay.”

I hate to admit it, but this was about the extent of my replies when my parents would pose the same questions.  In fact, my mom and dad read all of my blogs, so they are probably smiling right about now, saying, “It was like pulling teeth to get him to share.”

While most parents are genuinely interested in their child’s life, a typical pre-teen or teen may perceive these types of questions as probing or interrogation, thus resulting in very brief answers.  They may also be perceived as an ulterior motive to get to something more personal or sensitive in nature. 

If you think about it, the nature of the above questions, which we have all asked as parents, is quite vague.  When you ask a child what he/she learned during the day, there are so many possible responses to choose from that the easy route is to simply say, “Nothing.”  The end result is often hurt feelings on the part of the parent and a further push for independence (or space) on the part of the pre-teen or teen.

I have a simple solution to this common disconnect.  Try changing the questions you ask.  Ask questions that are child driven, not parent driven.  Ask questions that allow your child to own their response and in doing so, feel a sense of pride as they answer. 

Below are three possible questions you might ask that will hopefully provoke a much different response. 

Question – “So, what was the most exciting part of your day?”

Not only are you giving them an opportunity to provide a more specific answer, you are also modeling how to accentuate the positive.  Don’t worry if their answer has nothing to do with academics.  Remember, the purpose of your question is not to probe your way into something deeper, it’s simply a chance for them to own and celebrate a highlight of their day. 

Question – “Would you mind teaching me something you learned today?”

I’ve always believed in providing students with frequent opportunities to “teach to learn”.  When you allow your child to teach you, there are countless benefits for everyone involved.  Aside from the child benefitting from actively reinforcing or relearning specific content, you are able to model curiosity and creativity, both of which are critical skills for lifelong learning.

Question – “Did you feel confident while taking your test today?”

So often our questions around academics have to do with the result, which in most cases is a letter grade or percentage.  I wrote a previous blog about the dangers of praising only the result (click here).  By asking about a feeling such as confidence, you are essentially allowing your child to reflect on the process that led up to the test (i.e. studying).  Whether or not the conversation continues and you are able to address some of the issues you may see with regard to studying, you have at least planted a seed of self-reflection. 

While these questions aren’t necessarily going to guarantee improved communication between you and your child, it’s a great place to start.

I invite you to share a question in the comments section below, which you feel would be empowering in nature and may provoke an alternative response.     

 

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“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”  
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2017-09-14T14:39:25-07:00

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“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”
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“Our school mission has always been to educate the 'whole child', including their social and emotional development. Mike’s contribution to this mission, through the delivery of his meaningful, engaging lessons, has made a lasting impact on our school culture. In addition to the rich content he shares with our students, the energy he brings to each classroom is contagious. He has been an inspiration to our staff and students and truly lives the leadership principles he teaches.”
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“Mike Sissel is an amazing man. With a positive force driving his ultimate vision to help the world be a better place, he reminds young and old what it means to be and do good by finding it in within. His practical steps are accessible to children and admired by adults. Whether he facilitates a retreat, in-service, assembly, or consults, positive and tangible results will be the outcome. I highly recommend him!”
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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”

 

Sally Moore

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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”  
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Kim Roberts-Johson

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2017-09-14T15:05:04-07:00

Kim Roberts-Johson

“Wow! What an amazing person! We are so fortunate to have Mike Sissel in our lives. Having two daughters that compete, I cannot thank him enough for all of valuable lessons learned. He empowers my girls with tools and strategies to become not only better athletes but better people. He helps them to build strong character traits that will benefit them long after their time in completion has come to an end. He's had a positive influence on the mindset of our entire family and for that we are truly blessed.”
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“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”

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“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”
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Jeff DuMont

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"At Nike, I like to say ‘You Own Your Career’, Mike presented to my team and provided them with strategies & tools that inspired them to take ownership of their actions, performance, and careers. It was Motivational Coaching that impacted all attendees – regardless of their roles. All team members learned what behaviors make good leaders, and that all of us can be a leader. Mike was an energetic, passionate and effective presenter. I look forward to seeing my team practicing and implementing these skills into their Personal & Professional Developmental Plans.”
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“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”

 

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“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”  
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