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Praise the process

September 10, 2014Mike SisselBlog

untitledI’ve heard it said that parenting is a lot like surfing.  One moment we can be in the midst of serene, calm waters, peacefully floating in the sea of harmony; the next we are immersed in an enormous riptide, trying desperately to keep our heads above water.  I’ve actually never been surfing, but this sounds about right.  If you are a parent reading this, you know all too well the ebb and flow of the parenting journey.

While there are many facets to parenting, one of my goals is to empower parents with regard to their child’s education.  As you know, so much has changed from the time we were students.  Whether it’s the presence of alternative schooling options (charter, private, online) or the advent of the internet, the landscape of education is vastly different. 

Perhaps the biggest change has been the intense focus on standardized testing and the almighty letter grade.  While there are certainly benefits of these tests, I can’t help but think of one particular cost that is plaguing students nationwide.  In our quest to “Race To The Top”, we are focusing more on the result than we are the process. 

Several weeks ago my six-year-old daughter brought home her first ever spelling test.  Throughout the week leading up to the test, my wife and I each spent time helping her to prepare.  Whether it was spelling the words out loud or writing them on a whiteboard we have in the office, our goal was to teach her the core values of practice, persistence, and effort.  When I opened her folder on Friday afternoon, the first thing I saw was her spelling test.  In big blue numbers at the top of the page, I saw her score, a perfect 10/10.  Of course I was filled with pride, but I had to catch myself as the first thing I wanted to say was, “You’re so smart.” 

Herein lies the single most important piece of advice I could give to parents with regard to their child’s education – praise the process, not the result.  Let me explain by sharing two different parent responses to the same circumstance, a perfect score on a test.   

Response #1 – Praising the result.

“Wow, Emerson!  You are so smart.  You got 100%”

Remember earlier when I said our goal was to teach her the core values of practice, persistence, and effort?  What we often fail to recognize as parents is that our children are “meaning making machines”, just like we are.  In other words, they interpret everything we say according to a specific lens. 

In this case, it would be normal for Emerson to interpret my statement as – Daddy is proud of me because of my grade. 

As she continues to take tests, her obvious goal is to achieve a good grade, which would support the notion that she is smart.  Keeping with this interpretation, if she were to someday receive a score of 5/10, she would automatically assume that she isn’t smart.  As this pattern progresses, she may avoid taking academic risks in the future for fear of failure.       

Response #2 – Praising the process.

“Wow, Emerson!  I’m so proud of the hard work and persistence you showed this week.”

Notice how I didn’t say anything about the grade.  Why?  Because I don’t want her to associate the word smart with a number or letter grade.  I want her to celebrate the process (or journey) that led to her success. 

Now her interpretation might be – Daddy is proud of me because of my hard work.      

Let’s imagine that she scored a 5/10 on the very next test.  Instead of highlighting the result and belaboring the fact that she had failed, I could focus on the process, which is how she studied during the week.  Believe it or not, there is tremendous power in allowing your child to fail.  I’m not just talking about an “F” on a report card; I’m also referring to general mistakes.  The key, however, is not to highlight the failure, but to point out the various core values that can be used moving forward. 

I invite you to read a powerful article by Salmon Kahn, founder of the wildly popular Kahn Academy, which describes the reasoning behind his vow to NEVER tell his child that he is smart (click here).    

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2017-09-14T15:05:04-07:00

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“Wow! What an amazing person! We are so fortunate to have Mike Sissel in our lives. Having two daughters that compete, I cannot thank him enough for all of valuable lessons learned. He empowers my girls with tools and strategies to become not only better athletes but better people. He helps them to build strong character traits that will benefit them long after their time in completion has come to an end. He's had a positive influence on the mindset of our entire family and for that we are truly blessed.”
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“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”

 

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2017-09-14T15:02:28-07:00

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“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”  
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“Mike Sissel is an amazing man. With a positive force driving his ultimate vision to help the world be a better place, he reminds young and old what it means to be and do good by finding it in within. His practical steps are accessible to children and admired by adults. Whether he facilitates a retreat, in-service, assembly, or consults, positive and tangible results will be the outcome. I highly recommend him!”

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“Mike Sissel is an amazing man. With a positive force driving his ultimate vision to help the world be a better place, he reminds young and old what it means to be and do good by finding it in within. His practical steps are accessible to children and admired by adults. Whether he facilitates a retreat, in-service, assembly, or consults, positive and tangible results will be the outcome. I highly recommend him!”
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"At Nike, I like to say ‘You Own Your Career’, Mike presented to my team and provided them with strategies & tools that inspired them to take ownership of their actions, performance, and careers. It was Motivational Coaching that impacted all attendees – regardless of their roles. All team members learned what behaviors make good leaders, and that all of us can be a leader. Mike was an energetic, passionate and effective presenter. I look forward to seeing my team practicing and implementing these skills into their Personal & Professional Developmental Plans.”
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“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”

 

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2017-09-14T15:04:38-07:00

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“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”  
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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”

 

Sally Moore

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2017-09-14T15:01:56-07:00

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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”  
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“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”

Judy Salinas

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2017-09-14T14:39:25-07:00

Judy Salinas

“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”
https://kaleidoeye.com/testimonials/3596/
“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”

Pat Murphy

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2018-05-23T09:46:00-07:00

Pat Murphy

“Having been in the coaching profession for many years, I’ve gained the most satisfaction by having the opportunity to help shape the character of my players, ultimately preparing them for life beyond baseball. Mike Sissel is a masterful coach who shares a similar passion for the 'game of life'. His ability to connect with athletes is unmatched. If you have an opportunity for Mike to work with your team, it will truly be the 'gift' that will keep on giving. He has been a blessing to my family.”
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