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the many masks we wear

April 5, 2018Mike SisselBlog

When we hear the word mask, it’s natural to think of the countless masks people wear on Halloween.  Masks that conceal the human face and lead to intrigue and curiosity on the part of the observer.

“Who’s behind the mask?” is an inherent question we might ask when we first lay eyes on someone who’s concealed their face.

While this kind of mask typically comes and goes as October moves into November, there’s another one that isn’t contingent on a holiday.

I’m talking about the invisible masks you and I wear, not to conceal our face, but rather to conceal insecurities, doubts, fears, or a range of other emotions.  Concealing is a way for us to avoid dealing.

Dealing with emotional pain that we’ve carried for months, or even years.

Dealing with fear that’s kept us firmly in our comfort zone, never wanting to take risks.

Dealing with anger that manifests in physical pain.

Dealing with a lack of integrity in terms of what we say vs. what we actually do.

Below are 5 different kinds of masks we wear.  Although they differ in style, they all share a common trait.  They’re each carefully crafted in an effort to conceal what we’re unwilling to deal with.

THE POSITIVE MASK

We pretend we have it all together and that everything is perfect.  We’re often smiling and appear to be happy.

Underneath this mask is an unwillingness to look at our own imperfections.  We use The Positive Mask to appear perfect to the outside world, while our inside world is falling apart.

Social media platforms, in many ways, provide us with the opportunity to wear this mask with ease.

THE STRONG, SUPERHERO MASK

When difficult life circumstances come our way, rather than seeking help, we become our own superhero and simply say, “I’m fine. I got this.”

On the outside, we seem to hold everything together, but on the inside we’re crying out for help.  The strong walls we build as a façade are designed to protect the mental and emotional chaos taking place behind the walls.

THE SMART MASK

We all want to feel special, so we often seek ways to celebrate our specialness (I made that word up).  One such way is to take pride in how smart we are.  Even though we know we are smart, we need the validation of others to prove that we’re smart.  When others question how smart we are, we get very defensive and try to insert our rightness on them.

Underneath The Smart Mask are often feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.  A deep, under the surface knowing that we’re not perfect.  This feeling makes us jumpy, like we’re always on the verge of being found out.

THE NICE MASK

Let’s face it.  It’s easy to be a people pleaser.  To want to be liked by everyone.  The danger in this, however, is that we sacrifice our own happiness in order to make others happy.  We fear that if we put our own needs first, we’ll alienate those around us and end up lonely.

Underneath The Nice Mask is a fear of conflict.  We don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, so we become a doormat.

THE MEAN MASK

When we wear The Mean Mask, we treat others in a rude or critical manner (e.g. bullying).

Underneath this mask is often a low self-esteem.  In many cases, we’ve been hurt by others, so it protects us from being hurt again.  It’s usually a sign that we’re lonely, scared, or fearful.

While each of these masks can be effective in the short-term, the long-term costs are endless.  Thankfully, there’s a way to avoid these costs.  It requires a willingness to be vulnerable.  A willingness to take off the mask and be real with what’s real.  A willingness to begin dealing with the mental and emotional challenges we’ve been concealing.

If this speaks to you, I invite you to take the first step toward removing your masks.  Find a loved one, counselor, or coach who can guide you through this process.

As someone who coaches young people for a living, my job isn’t to remove the masks for them, but rather to create an awareness around the masks they may be wearing.  Only when you’re aware of something can you change something.

P.S.  I taught this lesson to a group of 4th and 5th graders this week.  I invite you to print this blog and use it as a discussion piece for your entire family.  The principles are universal and therefore apply to all of us.

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“Mr Sissel has been such an unbelievably positive presence both at Gold Medal Gymnastics and at our daughter's school, CEE. There is always enthusiasm and excitement when she knows that they will be having a session with him. The topics that he addresses are so important and he helps the kids see not only life's big picture, but also how individually they can make a real difference for themselves and those around them with their choices. We are thankful and look forward to more work with him in the future.”  
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2017-09-14T14:39:25-07:00

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“Mr. Sissel has been an incredible positive influence for my kids! Every time he goes to their school they look forward to learning something new from him! I have a teen and preteen and they have had him for the last several years and have quoted his lessons to us at home. Mr. Sissel has a special gift of teaching ALL ages with passion and dedication and truly knows how to connect with his audience, which makes it fun. I have also recommended him as one on one coaching for my dear friend’s son after she went through a divorce and her son was acting out and his insight truly helped her.”
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“The power of positivity is infectious and Mr. Sissel has a real gift of helping others believe that they have the mental strength within themselves to get past whatever they might be struggling with. We were introduced to Mike through Gold Medal Gymnastics and seeing the impact he has made on the lives of so many including our daughter is astounding. He helped her to overcome the feelings of insecurity, feeling bullied and showed her how to focus and 'change her lens' so that she could perform successfully.”  
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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”

 

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“Mike has an amazing ability to reach our children and to challenge their thinking. His positive outlook and desire to help every child be the best they can be is inspiring. My daughter comes home from her time with him with a smile on her face and new words of wisdom to share with me.  My 13 year old son watches his motivational videos and every time turns to me and says "He is so right. Everything he is saying is so true".  So thankful to have him in my children's lives.”  
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“Mike Sissel is an amazing man. With a positive force driving his ultimate vision to help the world be a better place, he reminds young and old what it means to be and do good by finding it in within. His practical steps are accessible to children and admired by adults. Whether he facilitates a retreat, in-service, assembly, or consults, positive and tangible results will be the outcome. I highly recommend him!”

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Kim Roberts-Johson

“Wow! What an amazing person! We are so fortunate to have Mike Sissel in our lives. Having two daughters that compete, I cannot thank him enough for all of valuable lessons learned. He empowers my girls with tools and strategies to become not only better athletes but better people. He helps them to build strong character traits that will benefit them long after their time in completion has come to an end. He's had a positive influence on the mindset of our entire family and for that we are truly blessed.”
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